Dear Philosophuncules and Philosophasters:

I’m thrilled to see that pedal pushers are back in fashion. There’s nothing more appealing than women’s pants that look like you bought them two sizes too small and dried them two hours too long. It’s a very fetching look on the sophisticated ladies strolling down Michigan Avenue. Now if culottes would only come roaring back, my life would be complete.

Speaking of which, when did “hoof and mouth disease” become “foot and mouth disease”? And why? Has there been some evolutionary leap in the last couple of decades? Cloven hooves have somehow mutated into feet? And if so, should we be bullish on cow shoes?

Now a Public Service Announcement regarding an insidious, seldom discussed disease that tends to afflict the older, more affluent population. It’s not AIDS. It’s not MS. It’s not ALS. It’s . . . NPR. I’ve decided that, in the public interest, I’m going public with this revelation: I, myself, am in the early stages of NPR. Every now and then, I find myself tuning in, despite myself. Symptoms include drowsiness, nausea, confusion and drowsiness.

I’ve had one particularly severe attack, during which a movie reviewer waxed on about some French film, illustrating his rapture with actual audio highlights of the film, consisting of French people speaking to each other in French. Mon Dieu! Could there be a more pretentious, elitist, presumptuous act than to render me comatose with the incomprehensible dronings of a couple of dang Frogs?

I have to admit that I have learned something worthwhile while listening to NPR. What I’ve learned is that nothing spoils good writing like having it read out loud, especially by the amateurish, wooden, trying-too-hard-to-read-it-with-feeling author of the piece. Exceptions to the rule: Andy Rooney, George Carlin, Steve Martin, Woody Allen and maybe Garrison Keillor. But of course, these are all professional performers as well as writers.

While we’re at it, where does NPR find so many pedantic drones -- newscasters, announcers, commenters and analysts -- who all talk with that exact same thoughtful, knowing, academonic NPR monotone, which I find as grating as Mike North or Dr. Laura?

Hey. I’ve got a bidding war going on to sponsor that quote I offered up in the last newsletter. (TIP: you’ll find my newsletter archive at my new website -- www.communicaterer.com.) As soon as I get a bid with a number to the left of the decimal, I’m awarding it, so don’t hesitate to jump in.

Normally I don't like to get into theological debates in this forum. It's bad for business. But this particular issue bears on advertising, so I must insist on raising it. Ludwig Mies van der Roe has been credited with saying, "God is in the details." Perhaps. Lately, however, I've been hearing people invoking the following: "The devil is in the details." C'mon people. We can't have it both ways. Who is, in fact, in the details? I know it's not me.

If both God and the devil are in the details, that’s some pretty close

quarters. I mean, details are, by their nature, small. If both expressions are true, aren’t they both, ipso facto, rendered meaningless? Do we need a ruling from the Pope? Or should we put it up to a vote? All those in favor of God being in the details, shout "Huzzah!". Now those in favor of the devil, spew pea soup. Oh, geez, it’s a dead heat (which, by its nature, would seem to favor Satan).

Can we all agree on some middle ground, like, say, “Disney is in the details”?

I “soft launched” my website in April. (Soft launched, I’ve learned, means it’s still a work in progress, so don’t blame me.)

I’d like to thank the following people for making my website possible: Dani Dudovick for having created my corporate look and graciously agreeing to let some other guy adapt it to the website; Wyatt Mitchell for being that other guy. Wyatt’s infinite patience in dealing with a digital dope such as myself, as he artfully designed and constructed the site, has resulted in a site for your eyes. Thanks also to Sam Swett for being a gracious host; Peter Coy, my son Brett and the entire Optimus crew, John Mennella of Id (rhymes with squid) Music, and Beyond DDB’s Heather Jensen for helping me transform various materials into web friendly form.

Yet another email address has been spawned in the wake of this website: jimmorris@communicaterer.com.

And now, back to our show.You know the advertisements that just drive you absolutely up the wall? For me, it’s ads like, “Why don’t you do like Stu -- push it, pull it, tow it to Golf Mill Ford.”, and the KDA cabinet spot featuring a hackles-raising lounge singer rendition of “A tisket, a tasket . . .”. Well, anyway, my partner on a recent project at Beyond DDB, Lisel Larson, inadvertently coined the perfect term for ads like these: Agitising. If you see Lisel, please salute her.

ATTENTION: As of this writing, my summer is not yet entirely booked, work wise. I invite you to invite me in on a project, if you’ve got one sitting around.

I dreamt recently that I’d changed my nickname to “Multiple Stab Wounds”. Should I be concerned?

Stoically,

 

“Disorder increases with time because we measure time in the direction in which disorder increases.” - Stephen Hawking (For more on entropy, and it’s advertising correlate, centropy, see my column on same on my website, communicaterer.com)

“When the world gives you tumors, make tumor-ade.” - Andy Dick

The government is a wonderful thing dept.: In the not-too-distant future, ocean wave generated power will account for 15-20 % of the world’s energy. The U.S. Department of Energy, in its wisdom and foresight, has allocated this many dollars to wave energy research: 0.

He’s Not Just Bright, Neil’s BrillIiant Dept.: Sod n. 1. instant grassification.

“Give us summer jobs. We don’t want to rob.” - Poster at teen rally demanding that Governor Ryan help pay for a summer jobs program.

One cumulonimbus cloud can weigh up to one million tons.