Dear Advertizealots:

As I just sat down to write this, for some reason, “Adam Ant” crossed my mind, and 20 years late, I just got it. AdamAnt. Adamant. I hate being that slow on the uptake. I would have added, “Don’t you?”, but I suspect you don’t have this problem like I do. I only just figured out recently what “A friend in need is a friend in deed” really means. At least I think I’ve figured it out. For about 40 years I thought it meant “a needy friend demonstrates his friendship through his actions (a friend in deed.) It didn’t really make any snse, but then, many old homilies don’t make sense to me. If this was a comedy routine, that would be a nice segue into a series of funny for instances. but it’s not.

Happy Holidays. There. I’ve said it. I decided to get it over with nice and early. Later on in the season, I doubt if I’ll feel like it.

We just moved from Rogers Park, where we lived for 26 years, to Evanston, where we’ve spent much of our free time during that same 26 years. I have twinges of guilt about abandoning my beloved Rogers Park. Having been such a staunch urban snob for so long, I’m struggling a little with the move. I take some heart in the fact that, while most people in our circumstance are moving from large suburban houses back to smaller dwellings in the city, we are doing the opposite, for no easily articulated reason, other than we wanted to distance ourselves from the psychopaths next door, and we like Evanston. (Friend, fellow Evanstonian and former Creative Director Mike Cafferata used to contend that my sentences were too long. I take pride in a nicely constructed epic sentence. Don’t bother taking sides on this one. It’s too late for me to change anyway.)

In anticipation of this move to Evanston I called a meeting of myself back in July and outlined an action plan for announcing the move and having my corporate identity stuff modified to reflect the change. Here it is November, and, despite several status update meetings over the last three months, I have yet to see any result. I don’t even have new business cards yet. Clearly someone has dropped the ball. This matter is bound to come up when I’m looking at the year-end bonus situation. If I don’t see some real progress soon, head is going to roll.

JOKE:

Q. How many Ameritech employees does it take to plug in three line in my new house?

A: 22. And it took them three weeks.

Technically, that’s an anecdote, not a joke. And it wasn’t three weeks of waiting for someone to show up, but rather three weeks of someone at my house almost every day, sometimes two people, sometimes twice in one day. And it includes almost eight hours of me on the phone with Ameritech -- not on hold, as you might expect, but eight hours of explanation and discussion about my situation.

I received two bills with my new address on them before I received any actual phone service. If the rest of their company could only run as efficiently as their billing department, Ameritech might have a fighting chance when someone is finally allowed to compete with them.

While I’m at it, I’d like you to know that, after 20 years as a loyal customer of the Soundpost in Skokie, they screwed me over recently. During the ensuing discussion about where he could stick his Soundpost, I promised the owner that I would warn everyone I have any kind of contact with not to patronize his store. Consider yourself warned.

My thanks to Larry Singer for writing regarding the item in the last Write Between The Eyes celebrating the flatulatory gifts of Le Petomane. Larry points out that Mel Brooks’ character in Blazing Saddles is named Governor Le Petomane. “This”, Larry maintains, “confirms beyond debate that the leitmotif of the movie is farting.” I can only add that, given the movie’s title, it might more appropriately be called the “lightmotif.”

Stoically,

 

“Ideas never lack for words. It is words that lack ideas.” - Joseph Joubert

“Visits always give pleasure -- if not the arrival, the departure.” - Portuguese proverb

“Rules and models destroy genius and art.” -- William Hazlitt

“You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.” - Norman Douglas

“Not only did I not vote, I voted Libertarian.” - Holly Morris

I’ve long maintained that people tend to become their names. Like Lord Brain, John Wisdom and J.J.C. Smart, all philosophers. Or Dick Butkus, Jim Kiick and Richard Dent, all football players. But Gary Cowman of the National Cattlemans’ Beef Association may take the cake. Or pie, as the case may be.

“A variety of nothing is superior to a monotony of something.” - Jean Paul Richter