Hail Stout-hearted Ad Brethren (and Sistren):

Well, here I am, still sucking at the Omnicom teat, though no longer at DDB etc. Since last I wrote, I’ve hopped from east of the loop to west of the loop, where I’ve been scribbling furiously at sister Omnicom agency Rapp Collins Worldwide.

So how’s it going? How’s the family? A special hello to Mary Joe.

You may have noticed that this thing came to you in a big big envelope, rather than the conventional #10. There’s one overriding reason for this. I’d rather pay the extra postage than spend an hour folding paper into thirds. I have better things to do with that hour. Like watching American Gladiators. Or listening to that new CD by Sorry About Your Daughter. Or reading Al Franken’s new book, Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot.

I’d like to close with a rhetorical question. It’s about this recent negative political advertising imbroglio. Why is it that negative ads are a mortal sin, but attacking and ruthlessly eviscerating your opponent in the press for doing negative ads is somehow taking the high road?

Stoically,

P.S. I’ve become such a direct male, I couldn’t stop myself from P.S.ing you. Personally, this obligatory P.S. business P.S.es me off. Why don’t they skip the letter and just send me the P.S., since it usually wraps the offer up in one succinct sentence? And then, since there wouldn’t be a letter, they could skip the P.S., since it wouldn’t be post-anything. So then I’d just have the offer, briefly stated, without all that bold, italicized, underlined crap and bogus “personalization”, as if they know me. As if!

P.P.S. If you have half as much fun reading this stuff I send you as I do writing it, that’d be about right.

 

"It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money." -- P.J. O'Rourke, Parliament of Whores

“If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.” - Steve WrightGreat Moments in Advertising
"Will it core a apple? Yes, it will core a apple." - Ralph Cramden

I long to live in a world where this would be front page news:
"Danish zoologists have discovered a creature that does not fit into any of the animal kingdom's existing categories. The sack-shaped creature lives in the mouths of lobsters. Two Copenhagen University researchers recently recognized that its anatomy and life cycle have never been seen before." (Chicago Sun-Times Dec. 17, 1995)

"You, you sit around and ask for ashtrays. Can't you reach?"

- Bob Dylan (lyric from some obscure song, which title I forget)"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face -- forever." - George Orwell